Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Is Trump and the political climate killing your sex drive? Well, you're not alone. I'm Canadian. And all the chaos and uncertainty created by this administration is making many Canadians, and most likely many folks worldwide, anxious, stressed and feeling financially vulnerable.
[00:00:22] And guess what?
[00:00:24] Mind blowing, wild and crazy sex. When you feel this way, well, that's not going to happen.
[00:00:30] So you and I are going to talk about how we can lean into each other instead of pushing away and isolating. In this video, you are going to learn five practical and easy ways that work within your busy life to create a couple connection to make your libido and sexual bond stronger. Hi, I'm Dr. Trina Reed, sexologist.
[00:00:54] It's taken me 25 years to understand the reason women in long term relationships lose interest in sex. The Pursuit of Pleasure podcast tells you why and more important, what makes those same women excited to have sex. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel and check out my free masterclass workbook and video.
[00:01:19] What's the saying? You're never supposed to bring up sex or politics in polite conversation.
[00:01:25] Well, maybe that's part of the problem.
[00:01:27] Perhaps, like me, for fear of getting into arguments, we keep all that stress of this political climate locked down and it creates a lot of tension and anxiety. And I don't know about you, but for me it feels like we're in COVID Lockdowns 2.0. And what I mean by that is you want to curl up in a ball zone out and eat a lot of potato chips. Now, isolation is not an aphrodisiac, so it should not surprise you if your current sex life has flatlined and is non existent. Stress and anxiety can have a significant impact on your libido, often leading to a decrease in sexual desire and difficulty achieving arousal or orgasm. And this one is sneaky because the feelings of overwhelm build up slowly over time, so you might not notice until you're knee deep in it. So just in case you're a little nerdy like me, here are the top three reasons why stress and anxiety are crushing your libido.
[00:02:38] Number one, when the adrenal glands make the stress hormones cortisol, it can interfere with the production of your sex hormones estrogen and test testosterone.
[00:02:49] Number two, Stress and anxiety makes it difficult to focus on the present moment and feeling your body's sensation, which leads to a lack of sexual desire or difficulty becoming aroused. And number three, anxiety can strain your relationship. I have always said you can always tell what's going on inside the bedroom by what's happening outside the bedroom. So the question is, what can you do? Trump is going to be president for the next four years, so chances are this uncertainty, chaos and stress are not going to go anywhere.
[00:03:29] Interestingly, this four year time frame is similar to a person's season of life. Like when you're a parent with young children, or you've gone through a divorce, or you're going through perimenopause. And a season of life is a period of time when you cannot count on your libido and your sex drive flattens. It's frustrating and discouraging. But like with every season of life, know that this too shall pass.
[00:03:58] So if you find yourself tuning out to your partner and isolating yourself, this is the moment to be proactive. So here are five ways that you can create a healthy, happy couple connection.
[00:04:15] Now the first two things are going to seem obvious, almost too obvious, and you might just want to brush these things off. Yet these top two things are the cornerstone to you reconnecting with your partner. So are you ready?
[00:04:30] Number one is look for ways to be kind and to say kind things to your partner and every single day.
[00:04:40] So even if you're not going to have sex for a while, building up the good feelings between the two of you is going to make it infinitely easier to reconnect when sex actually does happen. The second thing is to lean into your partner by focusing on non sexual touch. What I mean by that is touch that does not lead to sex. So, so hugging your partner, holding their hand, touching every single day to make sure you keep that connection with them and also to create a space for sensuality, not just intercourse, to create what Dr. Ian Kerner calls erotic threads, which is a simmering of anticipation outside the bedroom. Now I bet you will never guess number three.
[00:05:32] So number three is meditation is a sexual game changer. Growing body of research coming out of the Sexual Health Laboratory at the University of British Columbia shows the effectiveness of mindfulness on women's sexual pleasure. Dr. Laurie Brado, who is the director there, said, based on my own observations of mindfulness, I would argue that satisfying sex is quite simply not possible without mindfulness. Mindfulness meditation can positively influence libido and sexuality, potentially improve sexual desire, satisfaction and function by increasing awareness of the bodily sensations and thoughts during sex. And if meditation interests you, please check out my mindfulness meditation video links will be in the description. So my number four suggestion is to give each other a no strings attached massage. As we talked about, non sexual touch is so crucially important to keep the emotional connection between the two of you and also the majority of women in long term relationships experience what is called a delayed sexual response, meaning she won't feel like sex when it's initiated and it's going to take some time for her arousal to catch up. This is even more pronounced when her libido has flatlined. So so giving her a she comes first orgasm as foreplay is not going to jumpstart her arousal. So instead of focusing on orgasm, you need to wake up her entire body, not just her clitoris.
[00:07:15] And here's my best sexologist tip.
[00:07:19] Sometimes women just want a massage that does not lead to sex.
[00:07:24] Some women avoid a massage because she does not want the obligation to have intercourse afterwards.
[00:07:31] Think of this no strings attached massage as building that very important couple emotional connection. And when you build that, sex becomes easier and better. And if you don't know how to give a massage, no worries. You can watch one of my videos on aromatherapy massage and XNS has a beautiful line of aromatherapy massage oils which are light, absorbent and delicately scented. And bonus, they also make great great body oil. So ladies use these oils to get into the really good habit of taking care of yourself by moisturizing your skin with a lovely fragrant scented oil.
[00:08:14] When you luxuriate in that moment, it's going to help you get back in touch with your body.
[00:08:21] My fifth suggestion is to focus on her sensuality and pleasure. And if you want to know how to take her pleasure and sensuality to the next level, OMG yes. Is an instructional website that is an interactive online resource that discusses and demonstrates real life techniques that bring women pleasure. With over 1 million satisfied users, it's a very small one time fee for a lifetime of access and there's definitely a lot of value here. So if this interests you, please check out my OMG yes video to find out more. For all good things in this world, make sure to always use a quality lubricant like the Accend award winning lube. Bottom line, even though the political climate is out of your control, there are things that you can do to lean into each other for support to create that all important couple emotional connection.
[00:09:29] And it takes the two of you figuring it out together.
[00:09:33] The excellent news is that turning your stress, anxiety and isolation around into a couple connection is absolutely doable.
[00:09:45] You can do this by simply being kind to each other, non sexual touch, mindfulness meditation, a no strings attached massage and the OMG yes website. These are going to help you with the all important couple communication when you make your couple emotional connection a priority. I promise you that your sexual libido can make it through any season of life. Even Trump.
[00:10:17] I'd love to hear your thoughts and comments about how you're leaning into each other and creating emotional connection during this time.
[00:10:25] Please check out my free Sex Boot masterclass workbook and video. And thank you for liking and subscribing to my YouTube channel. Your support helps grow women's sexual pleasure because you deserve a deep, soul quenching, mind blowing sex life.
